Oh to be 16, in Paris and on drugs

Have you ever noticed how many anti-depressants there are on the market? No, seriously, there have to be fifty and that’s an understatement. Now here’s the $64,000 dollar question, why? What purposes do they all serve? To keep us all happy maybe?

If that’s right then why is the whole damn country depressed all the time? Is it to keep us civil towards each other? That has got to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever said.  We’re about as civil towards each other as Louis Farrakhan is towards middle white America. So that’s not it. So, being the altruistic bastard that I am, have decided to tell you the reason our country is swimming in Prozac. The reason is rather simple, so here it is, we can’t get over ourselves!

We, as a nation, have convinced ourselves that there is something wrong with us. We think that due to some insignificant annoyance in our childhood that we need 200 dollar an hour therapy and pills that cost fifty dollars a pop. You know how many people ACTUALLY need those pills? I would say that at most, ten percent need to be on those things. So, why are so many people shoving them down their throats you ask? Because we need to think there is something wrong with us either so we don’t have to blame ourselves when we screw up, or so we won’t be the last ones on the block to be manic-depressive.

This is actually interesting to me that you people think that because your Dad spanked you when you were seven for getting the dog drunk and watching him run into the wall that you have some sort of disorder. Come on you neurotic freaks. There is nothing and there never has been anything wrong with you. Maybe you would realize that if your Dad had beaten more sense into you.

And to all you people that were actually abused or molested or grew up in poverty, I’m truly sorry that it happened, but don’t you think it’s time to get over it? It’s over. Your dad can no longer hit you, you have more money or else you couldn’t afford the therapy, and the molestation ended when you grew up. So, take the words of Axl Rose to heart, Yesterday’s got nothing for me. And it shouldn’t have anything for you either.

And for those of you that think you’re hearing voices, have you ever contemplated that maybe you’re thinking for the first time in your life? You know, if the voices are telling you to take out the garbage then it’s just your mind reminding you to take out the garbage. Now if the voices are telling you to burn down the house, have sex with the family dog, and kill yourself then this article is not for you. You might be part of that golden ten percent. And if you are, I say take your cup of pills, raise it up and Mozoltov to you!

And finally, and maybe my favorite, to all the teenagers out there that think that your life is a downward spiral of pain, degradation, and depression, it is my job to tell you the truth. You are absolutely right. You’re life sucks and it will only get better if you kill yourself. Okay, now that the idiot teenagers are gone, this goes to the smart ones. Yeah, life sucks in high school, but you know what? High school ends after four years. Just wait it out, drink if you have to, smoke weed if you want to, but always remember Prozac kills.

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